Vontae Davis Prematurely Cums... Off The Field, Retires At Halftime...

Because losing in Miami just feels better.

Buffalo Bills cornerback, Vontae Davis, retired abruptly at halftime during the September 16th Bills’ loss to the Los Angeles Chargers. At 30 years old, the former 2-time Pro Bowler shocked not just his teammates, but the world with one of the most bizarre retirements in memory.

Davis opened up about the retirement yesterday, stating: “It wasn’t a hard decision. In fact, I don’t see why more players don’t retire from the Bills. Our quarterback is Nathan Peterman! I wasn’t sure if he was our QB or my State Farm agent… and State Farm has a higher completion percentage than he does. That’s why I decided to retire, because State Farm has a great policy on brain injuries, of which I clearly have because I agreed to play in Buffalo.”

Head coach Sean McDermott wasn’t surprised by Davis’ retirement. He told a local reporter: “F*** yeah I understand why he did it. I wouldn’t want to risk another head injury either to go negative 3 and 19 for a season.”

The Buffalo Bills are currently 0-2 on the season.