Browns Name Gordon Ramsay As Head Coach; Fired 6 Hours Later After Making Baker Mayfield Cry

Gordon presumably insulting his assistant coaches mothers…

The Cleveland Browns have had an interesting season. After the revolving door at quarterback had been temporarily solved with Baker Mayfield, the other revolving door of head coaches has yet to be remedied. Enter world class chef, Gordon Ramsay. On top of being one of the best chefs in the world, Ramsay also owns and runs multiple restaurants around the world… and they’re all successful. Browns owner Jimmy Haslam thought that brand of leadership would be helpful to the team. And the best part? Gordon Ramsay played professional football too. Just the not the kind of football Haslam thought it was. Ramsay arrived (with his camera crew) to his first practice earlier today, and after about 6 hours, was fired for humiliating the team, berating the staff, and cursing out the owner.

Ramsay was interviewed after the firing, stating; “I don’t know how the f*** they expect to win. The owner is a buffoon cosplaying as a goat’s ass with two fists firmly wedged right in the sphincter. Baker Mayfield is a complete fraud. Tried to get that f***in’ wanker to bake some delicious f***in’ carrot cake macaroons. But all that wetland s*** donkey wants to do is a throw a f***in’ football. His f***ing name is Baker! What a joke! This team will never, ever be viable as long as they live in this gangrene, lard ass heaven called Cleveland. And what the f*** is a “dawg pound”? Clearly by the looks of it, it’s their daycare. Not a single f***ing member of this farce deserves to be in my kitchen. And no, I cannot turn this bulls*** restaurant called the Cleveland Browns into a successful business.”

Starting quarterback Baker Mayfield was visibly shaken and sobbing after the first practice. “I don’t understand.” Mayfield said to a group of reporters. “I ran the plays just the way he wanted. I mixed the walnuts, cinnamon, ginger and sugar just like he asked. And the fresh pea and mint risotto play was the most complicated thing I’ve ever seen. How am I supposed to reduce a white wine Cover 3 package over medium heat? All while continuously, but gently stirring? Now my feelings are hurt, and I’m hungry.”

Ramsay overheard Mayfield talking to reporters, then walked over and yelled towards the rookie, “You forgot to add the f***ing grated carrots to the motherf***ing carrot cake, YOU F***ING COW!”

You can catch the whole practice in it’s entirety on Kitchen Nightmares and HBO’s Hard Knocks.