Raccoon Leaders Offended By Upcoming Double-A Team Rocket City Trash Pandas
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via Waff.com
Raccoons across the nation are speaking out against the upcoming new franchise in Madison, Alabama known as the Rocket City Trash Pandas. As of now, the franchise is known as the Mobile BayBears, however they will relocate to Madison in 2020.
The team held a vote for a new mascot name that included Moon Possums, ThunderSharks, Space Chimps, and Comet Jockeys (and somehow all of those names sound like pejorative terms for minorities). All of the suggested monikers are space themed since Madison is around the corner from the U.S. Space and Rocket Center.
Raccoon Leaders are voicing their frustrations with the term “trash panda”, as they insist it’s not a term of endearment but an insult. Marvel Comic’s star superhero Rocket Raccoon is one of the many nettled raccoons, “Now everyone is going to think that all raccoons are aeronautical.” The star of Guardians of the Galaxy franchise said. “I know my name is Rocket Raccoon but not every raccoon looks alike and is an intergalactic cosmonaut. And we’re not no damn pandas. Nobody likes pandas! If they were so good, then why don’t they f*** each other?! Oh wait, they won’t ‘cause they’re lazy savages who rely on federal aid. They’re about to go extinct and still wont’ f***!”
This proves nothing. it’s a treehouse!
ISN’s environmental biologist and master oracle, Izzy of the Forest, shared her analysis on the subject: “Essentially yes. All raccoons in North America will have the black face mask unless they have some melanistic mutation that changes their fur color otherwise…. I dont think all raccoons can be defenders of the galaxy just as I dont think everyone is meant to be a doctor or lawyer. The defender market would get saturated and maybe not all raccoons are fit for the job.”
Definitely no trash in this picture.
Raccoon rights activist Sly Cooper said in an interview that the reason other human beings aren’t concerned is because there aren’t enough raccoons represented in contemporary pop culture. “If you look at how raccoons are portrayed,” the former protagonist of Playstation 2 game series Sly Cooper said, “we are seen as bandits and thieves, and in some cases, arrogant defenders of the galaxy. And I didn’t even mention the most dangerous city in the world, Raccoon City. There are so many different raccoons out there and we are underrepresented in pop culture. Seriously, outside of Rocket Raccoon, do you know any other famous raccoons? Hell, my first game on PS2 sold 800,000 copies and still no one knows who the f*** I am. Oh but everyone knows Gex or Spyro or Sonic. And he ain’t had a hit since Clinton administration.”
It’ll be interesting to see if the Rocket City Trash Pandas will consider changing their name. But one can only imagine if the franchise will take fictional procyonid icons seriously.
