Trump Says Migrant Caravan Potentially Has Future MLB All Stars; Good Baseball Players Can Stay

After a chaotic night of elections, President Trump refocused his rhetoric on illegal immigration… but not in the way anyone expected. Trump has stated in the past that the migrant caravan, currently in Mexico, included Latin Americans and “middle Easterners” (although he admitted he had no proof).

However, earlier this morning Trump had a different message for American citizens, “This migrant caravan, it’s a whopper ya know.” the President said. “Full of gang members and thugs… and flame-broiled. Lettuce, tomatoes, mustard… Mustard comes on a Whopper right? Mayo comes on it? That’s what I said. ‘May-us-tard’. But this Dodge Caravan could have some very good baseball players in it. I talked to Curt Schilling, best center fielder of all time, he told me there could be some Dominicans in that caravan who could play some very good baseball. Some Major League Baseball owners told me to vet the Dominicans because some of them could be future all stars. Which would be great for our economy, at least that’s what Sean Hannity said in bed this morning.”

President Trump also “pitched” an interesting idea to assess potential baseball talent among the caravan, “When they reach our border, which they are already at but still about a thousand miles away, we’ll hand them baseball bats. Then I’ll have our troops chuck fastballs at them, all of them, and our scouts will see which migrants are talented and light-skinned enough to join a minor league farm team. You know, I played baseball for the Philadelphia Phillies. Yeah, me and Michael Jordan. That’s right. I would say to Nolan Ryan ‘Nolan… andale andale momma E.I. E.I. uh oooooh, what’s poppin tonight!’ Yep. I love Latinas… I could go for a fajita right now if you smell what The Rock is cooking.”

President Trump will hold another press conference today at 11:30 EST.