ISN's "Real" NBA2k19 Player Ratings Part 2 (Gasol, Rose, Melo)

We’re back with the truthiest 2k ratings. The NBA season started on Tuesday, so it’s time to update those fake ratings on NBA 2k19.

Marc Gasol
Kipp: “His first game against Indiana, he shot 2/11 from the field. He’s a 7 footer and had ZERO points in the paint.”
Garland: “I don’t think I’ve watched a Grizzlies basketball game since Bryant Reeves was playing for them in Vancouver. Only losers play for Canada.”

Derrick Rose
Kipp: “Since both of his knees are halfway gone, I divided his rating by 2. Seems legit to me.”
Garland: “Is he seriously still in the league? I bet Jimmy is so nettled right now.”

Jimmy Butler
Kipp: “Minnesota is where leftist, federalist, globalist, Darwinist, capitalist, guitarist, pacificist, liberal phlebotomists live. And since he wants to leave, I gave him a 100.”
Garland: “Jimmy keeps it 100. Period. Also, f*** all phlebotomists.”

Jared Dudley
Kipp: “Um… Jared is um… I’m gonna be up front about this… I don’t know who the f*** he is. So I’m sure 2k got this right. 72 it is.”
Garland: “Jared? The Subway guy? I thought he was in jail.”

Carmelo Anthony
Kipp: “Are they high? 79?! Wow. He’s just a taller Jimmer Fredette with a headband.”
Garland: “How many accessories do you need Melo? It’s not like they boost your attributes in real life. Don’t get anymore strippers pregnant either. I’m positive this is your last NBA contract.”