Wrestlemania 35 To Last 9 Days According To Vince McMahon

WWE’s biggest event of the year takes place this Sunday, and WWE chairman Vince McMahon is looking to expand Wrestlemania even longer this year. Mr. McMahon (who had recently undergone concussion protocol for not thinking Becky Lynch was over) held a conference call to announce Wrestlemania 35 would last nine days starting on Sunday at 5pm ET.

“Wrestlemania is going to last nine full days this year.” the chairman told reporters. “Why? Because I said so, god dammit. Hanukkah is eight days, and I need to one up those people. Hell, I already beat God once, why not take over everything.”

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THIS ALL RIGHTS GO TO THE WWE

“Who cares if I offend anyone.” Mr. McMahon continued. “Oh, is Goldberg gonna come after me? Hell no. Is Jason Albert gonna do anything? Of course not! Or I’ll make him revive that ridiculous Tensai gimmick again. In fact, headlining the eighth day of Wrestlemania 35 will be Kerwin White versus Tensai in a ‘last gimmick standing match’. Now where is my hot daughter so I pitch another incest angle, god dammit?!”

After the call ended, some of the female reporters received a text message with a picture of Hulk Hogan’s genitalia. Wrestlemania 35 will air this Sunday at 5pm ET.